When it comes to issues of domestic violence, the brutality of the world against men has made them reluctant to report abuse because they feel embarrassed, they fear they won’t be believed, or they are scared that their partner will take revenge.
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Abuse Against Men In Relationships / Marriages (Domestic Violence)
By Zvakwana Nomore Sweto
In this generation, a lot needs to be done when it comes to this subject. Domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence, is not just a women’s issue. Domestic violence occurs between people who are or have been in a close relationship. It can take many forms, including emotional, sexual, and physical abuse, stalking, and threats of abuse.
It is a known fact that abusive relationships always involve an imbalance of power and control. Abusers use intimidating, hurtful words and behaviors to control their partner.
Just as women have long fought to be believed when they report abuse, men face a similar fight and similar biases and prejudices, an undeniable fact. Let the world know this for a fact that when a man who is a victim of domestic violence decides to tell someone, it’s an act of courage, because he’s likely to hear either “You’re lying” or “Be a man!”
I managed to have a broad discussion on this subject with Abdullah Khan, a marriage counsellor based in Canada who was in Dubai for a holiday and had this to say:
“Men who earn less than their spouses often experience some form of abuse including those not working and are depending on their spouses. Women activists are sometimes abusers themselves and instill this controlling aspect on their men because they know they have back-up from the organizations they represent. They have mastered the weakness in men coming out open to the public and they take advantage of that.
“Along with fearing they wouldn’t be believed or would be seen as weak; men often stay in abusive relationships because they feel committed to or concerned about their partners. For many years, domestic abuse of women has been in the public eye and many studies have examined its nature and extent, organizations for abused women have been set up, and legislation and police charging policies have evolved in response to the growing appreciation of the extent of the problem. The domestic abuse of men is not as well-known and understood by the general public.”
In my research on this article, l found out one of the most difficult tasks is to be able to recognize domestic violence against men. Here is something interesting to men. Early in the relationship, your partner might seem attentive, generous and protective in ways that later turn out to be controlling and frightening. Initially, the abuse might appear as isolated incidents. Your partner might apologize and promise not to abuse you again.
There are elements in life which people in general often take for granted not knowing the extent of the problem. Emotional abuse of men is the same as emotional abuse of women. Emotional abuse of men makes them feel like less of a person, seem afraid of or are anxious to please their partner, go along with everything their partner says and does and check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing.
When it comes to issues of domestic violence, the brutality of the world against men have seen them reluctant to report abuse because they feel embarrassed, they fear they won’t be believed, or are scared that their partner will take revenge. Men assaulted by their partners are often ignored by police, see their attacker go free.
Another fear factor why men hesitate to report abuse is men feel that they have failed to achieve culturally defined masculine characteristics, such as independence, strength, toughness and self-reliance. As a result, the men tend not to express their fears, ask for help, or even discuss details of their violent experiences.
Of course, domestic abuse is not limited to violence. Men must look out for such things which an abusive partner may use; like hit, kick, bite, punch, spit, throw things, or destroy their possessions.
Because men are usually stronger than women physically, women may attack you while you’re asleep or otherwise catch you by surprise. They may also use a weapon, such as a gun or knife, or strike you with an object, abuse or threaten your children, or fabricate stories that make you feel guilt and conform to what they say. As a male, your spouse or partner may:
- Humiliate you in front of friends, colleagues, or family, or on social media, verbally abuse you, belittle you.
- Use some incidents to manipulate you, describing them as proof that you are the abusive partner. (Example – she can hit you with an object and rush outside making noise, crying and will make people believe you are the one who hit her and she only did that as self-defense)
- Harass you with accusations of being unfaithful, be possessive, act jealous
- Make false allegations about you to your friends, employer, or the police, or find other ways to manipulate and isolate you.
- Threaten to leave you and prevent you from seeing your kids if you report the abuse.
It is time to assure every man out there, that if you’re in an abusive relationship, it’s important to know that you’re not alone. Abuse of men happens far more often than we might expect. It happens to men from all cultures and all walks of life, regardless of age or occupation and usually the perpetrators walk scot-free.
Images used in this article are copyright free and have been used for illustration purposes only. They belong to Karolina Grabowska, follow her on PEXEL.COM
